


And You Have All Of Me

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, Established Relationship, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-11
Updated: 2008-10-11
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:23:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8702950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: It was despair and hope and joy and every other thing Sam couldn't even name, but that is how Dean has always been to him. With Dean words don't mean a thing, because Dean just is. Always has been. With Dean it has always been an ocean of emotions, and they both have drowned a long time ago.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Title** : And You Have All Of Me

**Author** : Jade

**Genre** : Slash, drama (and porn... but it's sweet, I promise)

**Pairing** : Sam/Dean

**Rating** : NC-17

**Warnings** : Concentrates on the reunion on 0401, so spoilers for that. Flashbacks of underage sex.

**Disclaimer** : Marry me, Kripke, and give the boys to me.

**A/N** : I think my muse is back, yay! This is for cyndrarae (LJ), who wanted bottom!Sam and NC-17, and gave me otherwise free hands. Hope you enjoy. :)

 

 

And You Have All Of Me

by Jadeadore

 

Sam lays awake in bed, eyes wide open, even when he cannot see a thing. He doesn’t need to see to know that Dean is there, right there beside him, his weight warm and familiar, and still somehow different. Four months in Hell are bound to change a man, Sam knows it, and even when the joy of having his brother back is overwhelming, there is still an underlying feeling of loss, and Sam isn’t sure if things will ever be the way they used to be... before. He can still feel his brother, inside him, taking over his body and mind and soul. He closes his eyes.

 

_Dean's hands, strong, so much stronger than the last time, his body, harder, all muscle and bone and skin... Hipbone, Sam can feel it every time Dean thrusts inside him from behind, driving hard and deep and fast and Sam moans like a ten dollar whore, he can't help it. He's bent in half, his hands behind his back as his brother holds his wrist there, fucks into him and Sam screams..._

 

Sam doesn’t think he has ever gone through such an emotional roller coaster as he did when there was a knock on the motel room door and Dean standing behind it, along with Bobby. It was just too much, so he attacked, already having been on the edge for months, and then, suddenly Dean’s _there_ , and that was not possible. And even when he kept fighting, it only took one touch and he _knew_. And it killed something inside of him, walls came crashing down, every single barrier he had built during those months alone. All it took was a one single touch and Sam was stripped down, raw and vulnerable.

 

_Dean’s eyes, so full of emotions, and the only thing Sam can do is stare back, stare into those green-gold eyes, and he wants to drown in them, drown and never rise to the surface again... As long as Dean is there, he doesn’t need air, doesn’t need light, doesn’t need warmth, because to him... Dean is everything._

 

There were tears in Bobby’s eyes, but Sam didn’t even see them. All he saw was Dean, and all the time he waited to wake up, alone in his bed, alone in the world. And then Dean pulled him close, and Sam almost collapsed into his brother’s arms. It was despair and hope and joy and every other thing Sam couldn’t even name, but that is how Dean has always been to him. With Dean words don’t mean a thing, because Dean just _is_. Always has been. With Dean it has always been an ocean of emotions, and they both have drowned a long time ago.

 

_Dean says they can’t do this, but Sam is seventeen and needy and stubborn, and when their verbal argument turns in to a physical wrestling match, Sam knows he has Dean, has him right then and there. Dean pins him down on to the floor, and Sam raises his wrists above his head, surrenders, bares his throat like a submissive animal and just keeps staring at his brother. Dean curses under his breath before he grounds his hips against Sam’s, and Sam gasps. It is the moment that condemns them both, but neither one of them isn’t praying for absolution. Not then, and not during the following years, during the stolen moments in the dark where there is just the two of them, and the rest of the world doesn’t exist._

 

Bobby left, and so did Ruby, but Sam hardly even noticed it. A part of him is almost sure that Bobby knows, and Ruby knows for certain. It doesn’t matter, because as soon as the door closed behind those two, Sam was all over his brother, the need so strong it was scorching him inside, and when Dean’s mouth crashed against his, it was like finding salvation, like coming home after a long and useless journey. For the next moments it was all lips and tongues and teeth, mouths fighting for dominance, and Sam let his brother take control, like he had done since the first time their young bodies found each other in the dark, Dad sleeping in the next room.

 

_It’s clumsy and sloppy, but they don’t care. The want is too burning, and they have to hurry. Dad doesn’t sleep very heavily. And that means they also have to be very quiet, but it’s so hard when all Sam wants to do is moan and whimper, and when his big brother finally pushes inside him, he has to cover Sam’s mouth to prevent Sam from screaming. It’s quick and rushed, but oh so good, and Sam doesn’t even care that it hurts. It’s what he has wanted for so long. It’s over way too soon, but the next time Dean takes the car and drives them to some abandoned road, and there, in the backseat, he fucks Sam until Sam is sore and sweaty and panting and boneless. Sam is in heaven._

 

The want was so strong that Sam wanted to cry. He wanted to tear their clothes off, but at the same time he didn’t want to move, finally having his brother against him after all that agonizing loneliness. He could feel every inch of Dean, pressed against his own body, his big brother’s mouth on his own like they were joined there. Just teeth and tongue and clumsy legs as Dean backed them towards the bed. Sam’s knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell backwards, pulling Dean down with him. And suddenly all there was just tenderness. So much love that Sam couldn’t breath.

Dean helped them to undress, and then he was right there, on top of Sam and Sam had to close his eyes for a while to stop the tears breaking free. Dean leaned down, latched onto Sam's neck and sucked at the soft skin, and Sam bit down on Dean's ear gently before taking Dean's face between his hands and looking deep into his eyes. 

 

"I need to see you..." Sam whispered. "I need to know it's you. Need it to be you..." 

 

Sam started moving under his brother, touching him everywhere. His hands slid down Dean's back, until his palms were flat against Dean's ass, pulling him closer, and a choked sound escaped Sam's throat. Reluctantly Sam moved his other hand and grabbed the bottle of lube from the bedside table drawer. It hadn’t been used for four months, but it was something Sam had kept. It reminded him of Dean. He coated his fingers with the slick gel and started slicking Dean up. At his brother's questioning look Sam smiled a little.

 

"You don't need to prep me every single time... Just... Just go slow, okay?" 

 

It had been four months, and Sam hadn’t been with anyone. He knew he would be tight, but he simply couldn’t wait another moment.He reached between them, lifted his hips and positioned Dean on his tight entrance. 

 

"Easy... easy..." Sam whispered when the blunt head of Dean's cock started slowly push inside him. Sam let out a sigh and a small, muffled moan when the head slipped in. It didn't hurt, there was lots of lube and they went slow. But soon the stimulation was too much and Sam placed his hands again against Dean's ass, pulling him inside to the root, all the while keeping his eyes open. He was panting now, Dean filling him completely. 

 

"Just..." Sam breathed. "Just a second..." 

 

Dean looked back into his eyes, gave him time to adjust. After a moment Sam started moving under his brother, pulling him along to the rhythm, slow and deep at first, but increasing the pace all the time. Sam had never realized how hard it actually was to keep his eyes open when Dean stimulated every nerve inside him, and when Dean's cock brushed against his prostate, Sam cried out loud but still didn't look away. 

 

"Dean, I need..." Sam panted, almost whined. "I need... Now." He grabbed his brother tighter and for a moment it was just too much. Sam's cock was sliding against Dean's abdomen, and he was close, so close... 

 

"Come with me..." Sam whispered and wrapped his legs around Dean's waist, allowing his brother an access to go even deeper. And then it was just too much and Sam couldn't take it anymore, the pressure and friction and everything was just too much. "Come with me... Dean, I need to... Now. Now!" Sam cried as the pleasure took over him and he came between their sweat-slick bodies, feeling how Dean's hot seed filled him inside, so deep, so good, and even during his orgasm Sam didn't close his eyes. 

 

He had never felt such intimacy with anyone, coming undone while looking into his lover's eyes. All the emotions visible, and he wanted Dean to have that, to see Sam on his most vulnerable moment, and when the aftershocks finally subsided, Sam couldn't help it, he started to cry. This was something he had never experienced before. 

 

"Oh God..." Sam sobbed and Dean looked worried. "No, no, don't get me wrong... I'm just... because it felt so good... God..." 

 

Sam lifted his face just enough that he reached to kiss Dean. 

 

"I love you..." He whispered against his brother's lips and wrapped his arms around Dean. Held him close until they finally found the strength to get up and go to the shower where Dean fucked him, hard and fast, holding Sam’s wrists behind his back, taking him, owning him, filling him up to his soul, and for the first time in a very long time Sam felt complete.

 

And here Sam lays awake in bed, eyes wide open, even when he cannot see a thing. But he doesn’t need to see to know that Dean is there, right there beside him, his weight warm and familiar, and still somehow different. And then Sam realizes that the feeling of loss isn’t really loss. It’s just fear. After all, four months in Hell are bound to change a man, yet Dean looks and sounds and feels and tastes the same. Sam knows that the battle isn’t over, that at some point Dean will have to face his demons, face the horrors he went through in Hell, but suddenly Sam isn’t scared anymore. Whatever will come along the way, Sam will be there for his brother, standing beside him every step of the way, because one thing is for sure. Sam will never, ever let his brother go again. If Sam thought that there wouldn’t be any feeling stronger than love... Well, now he knows better, because love doesn’t come even close to what he feels for his brother.


End file.
